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GLEEB> i.m. smokingstuff

I have come to the conclusion recently that most people take the Monkees and/or Beatles far too seriously. You must consider that of these eight guys, they had to screw up at one point or another, right? There's got to be *something* wrong with them. And there is. They're not all peachy-peachy all the time. So, in a little section I like to call "I.M. Smokingstuff" -- a pun on the children's television series "H.R. Pufnstuf", for those of you who don't know -- we have gathered all the stupid Monkee moments. Take this sarcastically if you like. Take it seriously. I really dun care.
section "A" -- crappy monkee songs
There are some Monkees songs that suck, and that's a fact of life. My top 10 stinkers:
10)  "Writing Wrongs"
What the *hell* is this? I mean, I understand temporary self-indulgence, but SIX MINUTES OF IT? Nez, please seek counceling.
9)  "Laugh"
The tune's bouncy and cute, I'll give it that. The worst part about "Laugh" is that it took 4 writers. "Laugh / when you go to a party / and you can't tell the boys / from the girls"? C'mon now. That may work in 2001, but it certainly wasn't true in 1967. Except... maybe in Davy's dressing room...
8)  "Let's Dance On"
Boyce & Hart have a major problem here in the fact that they totally sold themselves to the devil on this song. Wha about being *original*? "Let's Dance On" is a devil-enforced rip-off of everything early 1960s. Listen at your own discretion.
7)  "I Believe You"
... but I can't believe you would write such crap, Peter. And Nez? Twenty lashes for defending this song in interviews.
6)  "Zor & Zam"
How insipid! I don't know wha it is about "Zor & Zam" that I dislike so. Maybe it's the fade-in. Maybe it's Micky's psuedo-Grace Slick vocal. Or maybe it's just the fact that the song itself is... dumb. Great arrangement by Shorty Rogers, though.
5)  "Lady Jane"
No description needed. This song should be flushed down the toilet with the rest of the top 5.
4)  "War Games"
Sorry to offend any Davy fans out there, but if you need proof that this man has no talent, look no further than #s 4 and 5. "War Games" is bad for baseball. It's bad for the Monkees. It makes you want to gouge your eyes out and never go to a baseball game again. Davy should stick to *singing* ballads. Not writing at anytime.
3)  "French Song"
Davy trying to excersise musical muscle and, once again, failing miserably. The only redeeming thing about "French Song" is the cool European background, which wasn't even Davy, but Bill Chadwick. Bill, though, should be thrown off a cliff for writing such a catchy but evil song. It. Must. Stop.
2)  "Me Without You"
Totally blatant Beatle stealing. "Your Mother Should Know," maybe, folks? And besides that, it's very irritating. And so's Davy's vocal. And Boyce & Hart should be stopped before the turn the music industry into total crap.
1)  "The Day We Fall In Love"
THIS ISN'T EVEN A SONG. And correct me if I'm wrong here, but even the most *hardcore* Davy fans won't even want to listen to this! It's horrible! Davy's voice makes you want to... gouge your eyes out. By the end of this list, I'm ready to. I would not wish this song on my worst enemy.

section "B" -- crappy Monkees episodes
10)  "Your Friendly Neighborhood Kidnappers"
Cute enough, but you call this a plot? While two of the first four episodes are some of the best of the series, this one does disgrace to its beginnings.
9)  "Monkees In Paris"
I wanna stand up for it, I really do, but there's something about it... watching "Monkees In Paris" is fun once or twice. It has great songs. But the fact that it's totally unscripted and just one big romp can hurt it more than help it.
8)  "Monkees Marooned"
The beginnings are well enough, but the dialogue and most of the episode on the island is tedious. The pokes at other TV shows get long and boring.
7)  "Monkees A La Carte"
Makes absolutely no sense, for one thing, and is just a showing of the typical bad guy stuff that the series is usually able to pull off well: "The Spy Who Came In From the Cool," "Card-Carrying Red Shoes." This one falls flat, though.
6)  "Mijacogeo"
Great to watch in a psychedelic sense, but can also be considered weak. The script is imaginative but there's much to be desired for their final show.
5)  "Monkees In A Ghost Town"
wtf?! This one drags and drags and drags and has barely any real resolution.
4)  "Here Come the Monkees"
You can definitley tell that this was the first episode filmed. The storyline is far from grand and wonderful, but it's more typical sitcom than usual. Maybe I just don't like it because of the plot revolving around Davy. heh.
3)  "Monkees Blow Their Minds"
This is straight-out crap. Don't watch it. A sorry excuse for the wonderful James Frawley as an episode.
2)  "Monkees Watch Their Feet"
Pat Paulsen is the most annoying man on earth. And where'd Mike go?
1)  "Monkees Race Again (Leave the Driving to Us)"
Note to scriptwriters: do not smoke marijuana or any other illegal substance while writing episodes. Never use character names like T.N. Crumpets. And please, please, please do not make Micky act while he's stoned. Let him be.

what other monkees stuff sucks that I should do a section on? e-mail me at with suggestions
do you like my decisions, hate them? e-mail me your own episode/song worst list

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